Dear LeBron James,

Although our paths have crossed a few times within varying NBA circles,  I am quite certain that you have no discernible memory of me.

Be that as it may, this will not preclude me from offering some unsolicited advice in an attempt to assist you in repairing your extremely fractured public image.

The single most pertinent step that you should take is to visit a professional Public Relations Adviser.

Sure, Maverick Carter and others at LRMR Innovate Marketing and Branding are assisting you in reaching your goal of becoming a billionaire icon, which (with your talents) I’m sure that the characters from “Looney Tunes” could achieve. With that being said, it is time that you hire someone that will tell you things that you don’t want to hear, for the greater good of … well, you.

Smile more often.

Stop tweeting.

I mean, what grown man monikers himself?

@KingJames needs to go the way of the DoDo Bird.  King James?  Who, in their right adult mind answers to an eponym that is akin to a version of the Holy Bible?

King speaks of royalty. It screams throne. You don’t have one. There is nary a noble subject.

What you do have is an angry populace that rejoiced gleefully following your most recent playoff collapse.  Your drop in scoring average from 26.7 during the regular season, to 17.8 in the NBA Finals last year, is the largest decrease of any player who averaged 25 or more points per game in NBA history. Until you reach the pinnacle of your sport, an NBA Championship, you are merely the (basketball) Court Jester, and will be ridiculed as such whenever your team loses the last playoff game it plays during any given season.

Heed the words of the affable cell-phone pitchman, Charles Barkley, as said in his, uh … song, “I may be wrong, but I doubt it.”

No dancing.  No huggin’.

This season, when you make a big play, act as if you’ve done it before.  Stop preening, posing and actively seeking adulation.  Win championships, and the world will love you. If, of course, you also exhibit the following:

Learn these synonyms:  humility, self-abasement, affability, deign, timorousness, unobtrusiveness, un-pretentiousness.

The way that you handled your free-agency prior to last season rivaled the Greek God, Narcissus.

Never had a player demanded that potential teams COME TO VISIT THEM. Nor had one held a one hour “press conference” to announce where he would play next season.

I cannot recall a professional team holding a “welcome party” (see pep-rally) MONTHS BEFORE TRAINING CAMP WAS TO BEGIN!!! I mean, what is this, Midnight Madness in Lexington, Kentucky?  (and just why was Dwyane Wade being “introduced?” Had he not played for seven seasons in Miami already?)

While we’re on that rock-band like introduction of you, and your two celebrated teammates, you grabbed a microphone, and made proclamations that will forever live in infamy:

“The way that we’re going to challenge each other and get better in practice, once the games start, I mean, it’s gonna be easy.”

Also …

“Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven … .”  (speaking of championships to be won)

By the way, you had me at “Not One.”

Learn from this man, LeBron:

“It was the worst night of my life.  I told myself, ‘Don’t ever forget how you feel right now.”

“I just felt, being one of the leaders of the team, I had to take criticism.”

This was none other than Magic Johnson, taking responsibility for the Lakers loss to the Celtics in the 1984 Finals.

What you don’t state in your post-series press conference:

“… at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today “They have the same personal problems they had today …”

“They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal, but they have to get back to the real world at some point.”

Unfortunately, Mr. James, you woke up the next day and had the same personal problem that you have today.

You STILL have zero championship rings.

But, all of this can be easily changed by following these steps.

Work diligently on a post-up game.  There is nary a SF big enough to guard you on the low-block, nor is there a PF quick enough.

Develop a mid-range game.  Sure, three-point range is nice, and it sends the crowd into a tizzy, but the game is won from 15 feet and in.  Ask Dirk Nowitzki.

Stop being a “facilitator.”

It is your legacy that is on the line.  Sure, the triple-double that you messed around and got in game 5 was nice, but I want my best player to go down with no ammunition left. In fact, I would rather you were more like Dirk in game 6 (at one point he was 5-21 from the field) or Kobe Bryant in game 7 in 2010. (he was a mere 6-24) get 40 and 5, instead of 17, 10 and 10.

I mean, passing to Mario Chalmers?

Mr. James, I hope that you’ve read this all the way to the end, I mean, who am I –besides a consumer of the immense gifts that have been bestowed upon you?

That’s my piece, peace!

 

Follow Lawrence Atkins @LAstof09

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